Pigeon Poop
5 c. crunchy cereal
3 c. rice crispiest
2 c. skinny pretzels (may need to be broken if too long)
1 12oz bag white baking chips2 ½ c. mini marshmallows
¼ c. butter or margarine
Mix all dry ingredients in a large bowl. Melt marshmallows, white chips and butter. Stir until all mixed. Pour over dry ingredients and mix gently. Pour onto wax paper to cool. After cool break into chunks resembling pigeon poop and store in Ziploc baggies.
Ants in the Sand
graham crackers, crushed
chocolate sprinkles
snack sized resealable plastic bags
To crush graham crackers, place inside a large (gallon size) resealable plastic bag. Using a rolling pin, smash crackers through bag by rolling back and forth over them until they are all in crumb form. Fill snack sized resealable bags halfway with graham cracker crumbs. Add a small handful of chocolate sprinkles to the bags and seal.
Bugs on a Log
celery stalks
peanut butter
raisins
Spread peanut butter onto washed and drained celery stalks. Top with raisins. For children who are allergic to peanuts, try using cream cheese or processed cheese spread in place of the peanut butter.
Cookie Spiders
black or chocolate licorice twists
fudge sandwich cookies
chocolate frosting
red cinnamon candies
Cut licorice in half. Remove the top of each sandwich cookie; press 8 licorice pieces into the fudge center to resemble spider legs. Spread a little chocolate frosting over the licorice; replace cookie tops. Frost the tops of the spider cookies with frosting. Place red cinnamon candies on top
for eyes.
Muenster Beetles
crunchy chow mein noodles
Muenster cheese (or other soft block cheese)
Cut cheese into 2" x 1" rectangular blocks. Gently insert three chow mein noodles on each side of cheese block for legs. Using two broken chow mein noodles, insert into "head" as antennae. Note: Cheddar makes a bright and colorful beetle, but can be very frustrating for little fingers as the cheese is a bit too hard to press the noodles into without breaking. Use softer cheese such as Gouda, havarti, Monterey jack, or even mozzarella.
Peanut Butter Caterpillars
bananas
peanut butter
grapes
chow mein noodles
Peel and slice a banana. Join the slices together by "gluing" them with peanut butter. Carefully poke two chow mein noodles (or break a pretzel stick in half to make two pieces) through the top of the grape. Use more peanut butter to attach the head (grape) to the front of the body, with
antennae (chow mein noodles) pointing up.
Kitty Litter Cake
Spice or German chocolate cake mix
1 white cake mix
1 large pkg. vanilla instant pudding mix
1 pkg. vanilla sandwich cookies
Green food coloring
12 small Tootsie Rolls
1 new (and definitely unused) kitty litter pan
1 new plastic kitty litter pan liner
1 new Pooper Scooper
Prepare cake mixes and bake according to directions (any size pans). Prepare pudding mix and chill until ready to assemble. Crumble white sandwich cookies in small batches in food processor, scraping often. Set aside all but about 1/4 cup. To the 1/4 cup cookie crumbs, add a few drops green food coloring and mix using. When cakes are cooled to room temperature, crumble
into a large bowl. Toss with half the remaining white cookie crumbs and the chilled pudding. (Mix in just enough of the pudding to moisten it. You don't want it soggy. Combine gently).
Line new, clean kitty litter box. Put mixture into litter box. Put three unwrapped Tootsie rolls in a microwave safe dish and heat until soft and pliable. Shape ends so they are no longer blunt, curving slightly. Repeat with 3 more Tootsie rolls and bury in mixture. Sprinkle the other half of
cookie crumbs over top. Scatter the green cookie crumbs lightly over the top. (This is supposed to look like the chlorophyll in kitty litter.) Heat 3 Tootsie rolls in the microwave until almost melted. Scrape them on top of the cake; sprinkle with cookie crumbs. Spread remaining Tootsie Rolls over the top; take one and heat until pliable, hang it over the side of the kitty litter box, sprinkling it lightly with cookie crumbs. Place the box on a newspaper and sprinkle a few of the cookie crumbs around.
Boogers on a Stick
8 ounce Jar Cheez Whiz
3 or 4 drops Green food coloring
3 dozen pretzel sticks
Melt Cheez Whiz in the microwave according to jar directions. Allow the cheese to cool slightly in the jar. Carefully stir in food coloring using just enough to turn the cheese a pale snot green. To form boogers: Dip and twist the tip of each pretzel stick into the cheese, lift out, wait twenty
seconds, then dip again. When cheese lumps reach a boogerish size, set pretzels boogers on wax paper to cool. Serve with salsa for bloody boogers.
Day Old Bath Water
12 ounce can frozen lemonade
2 liters 7-Up
1/2 gallon Rainbow sherbet
Thaw sherbet for approximately 15 minutes and place in a plastic tub. Add lemonade (prepared according to directions) and 7-up. Sherbet will melt and turn mixture day old bath water grayish-brown. Float a handful of green, yellow and white tiny after-dinner mints (tiny bars of soap) on top of the scummy punch.
Strained Eyeballs
6 hard boiled eggs
6 oz Whipped cream cheese
7 oz Green olives -- with pimientos
Red food coloring
Peel eggs cut in half lengthwise. Remove the discard yolks. Fill the holes with cream cheese. Press an olive into each cream cheese eyeball, pimiento facing up, for an eerie green iris and startling red pupil! For a final touch, dip the tip of a toothpick in red food coloring and draw broken blood vessels in the cream cheese.
Hairball Salad with Saliva Dressing
1 lg ripe avocado
2 c Alfalfa sprouts
6 grated carrots
Italian dressing
Cut avocado in half and scoop out the pit. Scoop avocado out of the shell and put in the bowl. Add sprouts to the avocado meat. Mash with a fork. It is ok to leave some lumps. Set the mixture aside. Divide the grated carrots among the four salad bowls. Make walnut size hairballs from the avocado mixture and arrange them on top of the grated carrots. Pour Italian "saliva" dressing over hairballs and serve.
Simple Pimples
1-2 dozen cherry tomatoes
Flavored soft cream cheese Spread
Core tomatoes with a carrot peeler or knife. Drain excess tomato juice. Using a butter knife, fill holes in tomatoes with cream cheese. Give each pimple a gentle squeeze and arrange on a platter
Popped Eyeballs
6 hard boiled eggs
Red food coloring
Blue food coloring
Peel eggs cut in half lengthwise. Remove and prepare yolks as if making deviled eggs Add enough blue food coloring to make it a nice shade of green. Fill centers with mixture. For a final touch, dip the tip of a toothpick in red food coloring and draw broken blood vessels in the center.
Poop Soup
2 packages brown gravy mix
water
hamburger
white bread
Prepare gravy mix according to direction and set aside in a bowl or pan. Using hamburger prepare as if fixing meatloaf. Instead of making into a loaf make into small balls or logs and brown in skillet until juices run clear. Drain and place in gravy. Add small pieces of white bread floating on top to resemble tp.
Grass Clippings Casserole
1 c. Bisquik
1 c. shredded Cheddar cheese
1 lb, hamburger or ground pork
2 c. long grain rice
3 ¾ c. water
2 tsp salt
2 tbsp margarine or butter
green food coloring
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mix together first 3 ingredients in large bowl. Using hands form into various shapes and sizes of "dumps". Place so they don't' touch each other into a baking dish (or two) and place in over and bake for about 20 minutes until they are all brown, firm and crusty. While these are cooking add remaining ingredients to saucepan and stir together.
Bring to a boil and reduce heat to low. Cover pan and simmer for 14 minutes without lifting the lid. Remove from heat, drain and set aside. When "dumps" are done, remove and drain well. Drain baking pan of excess juices and place rice and dumps into baking pan making sure to leave some dumps partially uncovered as Kitty does when she is in a hurry. Serve with a nice NEW pooper scooper or a slotted utensil of some sort to resemble a pooper scooper.
Chopped Off Fingers Pizza
1 Red bell pepper (4 oz.)
12 Sticks (1 oz. each) mozzarella
8 Small (about 5" diam.) baked pizza crusts
1 cup Pizza sauce
Core, stem and seed pepper; cut lengthwise into 1"-wide strips. Cut each strip crosswise into 1/2" pieces (fingernails). Round corners on one end of each piece.
Cut each cheese stick in half crosswise. On rounded end of each stick (finger), cut out a 1/2"-square notch into which a pepper piece will fit to make a nail.
Lay crusts slightly apart on 3 baking sheets, each 12"x15". Spread pizza sauce evenly over each crust. Lay 3 cheese fingers well apart on each crust: fit a red pepper nail onto each. Bake in a 450F oven until cheese just begins to melt, about 8 min.
Chuckie's Upchuck
2 teaspoons of butter or margarine
2 medium onions chopped
16 ounces of cream style corn
2-10 ounce cans of cream of mushroom soup
2 cups milk
Whatever leftover vegetables you have in the fridge! (Tomatoes, green beans, Mushrooms, cauliflower, etc). Sauté onions in the butter. Add everything else and bring it to a boil. Simmer 5 minutes. Serve immediately with a barf bag of course!
Diaper Dump Porridge
1 cn (10 oz) beef broth
1 Tube refrigerated biscuits
1 cn (10 oz) chicken broth
Pour the beef broth into a saucepan. Set aside and don't add any water. Remove the biscuits from the tube, separate them and carefully cut each one in half. Then, using clean hands, sculpt the biscuit pieces into "dump" shapes. Add the dumps to the beef broth. Place the dumps and broth over medium heat and cook until the mixture comes to a boil. Turn the heat to low, cover the pan with a lid and simmer for 15-20 minutes. Carefully check the broth level often.
Pour the chicken broth (diaper fluid) and one can water into the second saucepan. With a slotted spoon, carefully transfer the cooked dumps from the beef broth and place in the chicken broth pan. Heat chicken broth according to the directions on the can.
Sicko serving suggestion: When you're done eating, place a container of baby wipes on the table for guests to clean up with!
Twice Eaten Veggies
5 potatoes
1 can whole kernel corn
1 can French style green beans
Peel and cook potatoes for fixing mashed potatoes. While potatoes are cooking, heat corn and green beans. Drain and mash potatoes leaving in a few lumps. Drain corn and green beans and add to potatoes. Mix all together for a nice disgusting veggie side dish.
Spit-Wad Sandwiches
2 slices Bread
Creamy peanut butter
2 lg Marshmallows
Spread each slice of bread with peanut butter. Using clean fingers, pull apart marshmallows into many tiny spit-wad-sized pieces. Press the marshmallow wads onto the peanut butter. Put together, wad sides facing, and enjoy. Serves 1 who loves spit wads.
Homemade Maggot Stew
2 tb Vegetable oil
1/4 c Flour
1/2 ts Salt
1/2 ts Pepper
1/4 ts Garlic powder
1 lb Stew beef cut in one inch Chunks
2 cn (14 1/2oz) plain stewed Tomatoes
1 cn (10 1/2oz) beef broth
1 ts Thyme
1 Bay leaf
3 md To 4 carrots
1 c Fresh or frozen green beans
3/4 c Orzo pasta
Place oil in stew pot and turn heat to medium low. Measure flour, salt, pepper and garlic powder into Ziploc bag. Drop in stew beef, seal bag and shake until well coated. Pour contents of bag into the stew pot. Turn the heat up to medium. Use a long handled spoon to turn the meat every 3-4
minutes, letting the meat brown well on all sides. Cook until the meat begins to look crusty. Add the tomatoes, broth, thyme and bay leaf. Bring to a boil, then lower heat to low. Peel the carrots and cut them into small coins with a knife. When the stew has simmered for one hour, add the carrots and green beans to the pot. Cover and simmer another 45 minutes. Cook the orzo in a saucepan according to the package directions. When just tender, drain it through a colander into the sink, shaking out any excess water. These are your maggots. Add them to the stew pot, then turn off heat and carefully blend.
Sicko serving suggestion: Turn any meaty meal into a freakish feast by spreading a layer of orzo maggots on top of your roasted, baked or boiled beast!
Penicillin Pizza
6 English muffins
1 Jar pizza sauce
2 c Shredded mozzarella cheese
3 tb Grated Parmesan cheese
Yellow, green and red food coloring
Split muffins and place on an ungreased cookie sheet, making sure they don't touch.
Spoon a thin layer of sauce on top then cover the sauce with a layer of shredded cheese. Set aside.
Pour the Parmesan into a small bowl and add five drops each yellow, red and green food coloring until it's an even shade of mold green. (Use plastic bag to prevent your fingers from staining.) Set aside.
With an adult's help, broil the pizzas until the cheese has melted and begun to brown. Remove from oven and let cool about 1 minute.
Carefully sprinkle mold on top of hot pizzas. Allow pies to cool slightly before you slip on a lab coat and serve. Serves 6 peaked patients.
Ralph's Retch
3 oz Box strawberry Jell-O
40 Ice cubes or crushed ice
strawberry soda
Prepare Jell-O according to package directions. Pour into shallow pan and chill until firm, about 3 hours.
Using a dull knife, make as many cuts as possible across the length and width, forming tiny cubes.
Grind ice cubes in a blender.
Spoon alternating layers of crushed ice and gelatin pieces into tall glasses, filling them about 2" away from tops. Slowly pour soda into each glass until full, then stir gently. Serve retch with ice tea spoons, so your guests can get at every chilly glob.
Sewer Soda
1 qt cookie dough ice Cream
3/4 c Chocolate syrup
1 l Club soda
Let ice cream sit at room temperature until it is easy to scoop. Spoon ice cream into glasses until it is about halfway full. Pour or squeeze about 3 tablespoons chocolate syrup into each glass. Slowly fill almost to the top with club soda and stir well with a spoon. Serve with a straw and tall spoon for excavating those luscious brown lumps. Serves 4 sewage slurpers. Sicko serving suggestion: To make this slop especially disgusting, plop an unwrapped tootsie roll into each glass.
Liposuctioned Lard
1 sm. box instant pudding mix (something white, vanilla, coconut crème, etc)
2 c. cold milk
Mini marshmallows
Prepare instant pudding according to directions and before it has time to set, add a handful (or more) mini marshmallows. Carefully stir in and allow to set before eating.
Pus Pockets
4 small pita rounds
2 c. mozzarella cheese
Italian Seasoning
Pizza or spaghetti sauce
Spoon about half a cup of cheese into each pita. Sprinkle with a small amount of Italian seasoning. Place on ungreased cookie sheets and brush with a spoonful or so of sauce. Bake at 350 degrees for about 15 minutes. Heat rest of sauce and use for dip.
Blue Brains
1 lg. package of blue gelatin mix
1 16 oz container small curd cottage cheese
1 c. blueberries
Prepare gelatin according to directions. After mixture begins to set, carefully fold in cottage cheese and blueberries. Chill until completely set and serve.
Sewer Surprise
1 package lime jello
toasted waffles
whipped topping
1 chocolate bar grated
small tootsie rolls softened (not melted)
Cut 2 waffles per serving glass into rounds the size of the glass (like you're cutting biscuits). Prepare lime Jell-O according to directions but do not refrigerate yet. Place waffle circle in bottom of serving glass and add about half a cup of Jell-O. Refrigerate for a few minutes until starts to set up but isn't firm. Add a couple tsp of grated chocolate and several unwrapped tootsie rolls that have been shaped into appropriate shapes. They should go down some in the Jell-O but not all the way to the bottom. Refrigerate until firm and add whipped topping on top when firm. Place the other waffle on top of the glass. This is your manhole cover. Serve and
enjoy the expressions.
Puke Pasta
1 lb Spaghetti pasta broken into small lengths
1 jar Alfredo sauce
½ c. cooked peas
½ c. cooked carrots
Cook spaghetti according to directions. While pasta is cooking heat Alfredo sauce and gently smash your carrots and peas leaving chunks. When sauce is hot add to sauce. Drain pasta, add sauce and enjoy.
Bellyache Soup (from Miami Spice)
Notes: dice the plantains pretty small - 1 cm of less and puree maybe 2/3
rather than ½ -- very filling. A lovely puce-green color.
2 T extra-virgin olive oil
1 small onion, finely chopped
1 carrot, finely chopped
2 ribs celery, finely chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
About 5 cups chicken or veal stock
2 green plantains peeled and diced
1 bay leaf
1 t ground cumin
½ c finely chopped fresh cilantro leaves
Salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste
1. Heat the olive oil in a large heavy saucepan. Cook the onion, carrot, celery, and garlic over medium heat until soft but not brown, 3 - 4 minutes.
2. Add the stock and bring to a boil. Add the plantains, bay leaf, cumin, half the cilantro, salt and pepper. Return the soup to a boil. Reduce the heat, and gently simmer, uncovered, until the plantains are very tender, 40-50 minutes.
3. Remove and discard the bay leaf. Puree half of the soup in a blender, and return it to the pot. If the soup is too thick, thin it with a little more stock.
4. Just before serving, reheat the soup and correct the seasonings, adding salt or cumin as necessary. Garnish with the remaining chopped cilantro and serve at once.
